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"Ding, Dong, The Boss Is Dead" is the fifteenth episode of the fifth season of The Dukes Of Hazzard.


Summary

Floyd Calloway (R. G. Armstrong) has hired Matt Mallory (Rick Hill) and Lorna Mallory (Barbara Horan) to kill Boss Hogg because 20 years ago, Boss and Calloway were running moonshine together, and when federal agents started closing in on them, Boss turned state's evidence against Calloway so Boss could avoid prosecution. Feeling that Boss is in danger, the Dukes help Boss, and they plan to make Calloway think that Boss is dead. That way, Calloway and the Mallorys will leave Boss alone.

Plot

Balladeer: Folks in Hazzard are bettin’ people, and they bet on the usual things. Will it be an early spring? Which side of the tree will the moss grow on? Now you’re watching a typical Hazzard bet. Can the General Lee get from the Duke Farm to Hazzard in 20 minutes without usin’ any roads? That’s a sucker bet, with Coy driving.

Road

Coy and Vance drive around and Coy jumps the General, to which Vance snaps if Coy is trying to shake out the fillings in his teeth. Coy says they don’t need that to drink a beer, and that is what is at stake in their bet with Cooter. Vance informs him that they are currently at eight minutes. Coy jumps over a fallen tree and back onto a dirt road. Coy starts celebrating early but Vance points out a pretty woman and a man on the side of the road. Coy says he wasn’t too thirsty anyway and they stop. Coy and Vance get out to see a brown car with a blown radiator. The two introduce themselves as a brother and sister named Lorna and Matt, saying their radiator just suddenly went. The boys offer to take the two into town and introduce them to Cooter, which they accept.

Town of Hazzard

The Dukes come by the Garage to note that it’s closed. However Boss car is there with a note saying that the car is good to go and if Boss needs Cooter he should call him that afternoon. Matt tells them that they planned on staying in Hazzard for a few days for fishing and they decide to drop the two strangers off at the hotel. While going around the square, Matt notices the number of places with J.D. Hogg’s name on them and the Dukes tell Matt and Lorna that he pretty much owns Hazzard. They stop at the hotel and Vance helps Loran out. The boys leave and Lorna remarks they were nice boys, to which Matt says they would be with how she shinned up to Vance. She tells him that they know more about J.D. Hogg now thanks to the boys and the two go into the hotel.

As they leave town, Vance remarks that Lorna is some kind of lady. Coy jokes that she can’t see well since she ignored him for Vance. The boys head to the farm.

Matt and Lorna look around the town from their hotel room and Lorna points out a scaffold over the county building. He remarks that the scaffold just did half their work for them. Lorna says she hopes Boss has plenty of accident insurance so his widow can collect. They laugh before kissing then leaving to get to work.

Police Department

Boss calls Rosco into his office to show him a candy machine. He tells Rosco that he’s testing them now before putting in some money. He gets a candy bar and Boss says he will get a hundred dollars a day with them. Rosco decides to get one and puts a quarter in but he doesn’t get any candy. Boss I amused.

Hazzard Pond

Lorna waits by the pond when a car stops. A man gets out to go fishing and she sneaks over the car, stealing it.

Police Department

Boss remarks that Rosco used a real quarter and informs him that to use the machine you have to use slugs. He demonstrates again for Rosco. Rosco asks where to get the slugs and Boss says from his pay telephone. Rosco kicks it in frustration as they leave.

Town of Hazzard

Vance and Coy come to town to see Cooter to pay for losing the bet. Meanwhile Daisy is also in town dropping off a rhubarb pie for Enos. They park in the square when Boss and Rosco come out of the county building. Boss stops to light his cigar. Lorna flashes lights to Matt to signal him, and Matt unties the scaffold. The Duke’s see it and Vance and Coy tackle Boss and Rosco to the ground to save them. The two are furious and Daisy tells them what just happened. Hearing screeching tires, Vance realizes it was intentional and runs over in time to see a green car fleeing. Boss asks what that is supposed to mean and Vance says he doesn’t know. The Dukes chase after them in the General, Daisy giving Rosco the pie but Boss takes it and devours it.

Road

Lorna drives and asks if Vance recognized them but Matt says he didn’t. They conclude they need to ditch the car. In the General, Vance admits he didn’t get to see the people and he doesn’t recognize the car that was used. Lorna pulls off a dirt road and Coy only just sees the tracks to follow. Lorna is forced to swerve from a truck and Coy tries to as well but jumps the General over a barn, blowing a tire and losing the car. The Dukes get out to fix the tire.

Town of Hazzard

Lorna calls Mr. Calloway and informs him they had a small issue. Floyd says he doesn’t pay them to have issues and he wants Boss to pay for sending him to prison twenty years ago. At the garage, Matt gets out from under Boss’ car.

Road

The Dukes finish fixing the General’s tire and heads back to town.

Town of Hazzard

Boss picks up his car and heads out towards Petersville to foreclose on a mortgage. Lorna and Matt watch him leave from the hotel and start to celebrate their win. At the garage, Cooter arrives and gets out saying he hopes ‘old J.D.’ will pay his bill.

Road

Boss tries to hit the breaks and is horrified to find he has no breaks. He yells on the C.B. for help and the Dukes hear him. Daisy tells him they are headed his way and Boss tries to stay on the road. Rosco and Flash also hear the call and tell Boss they are also coming.

The Dukes spot Boss first. Meanwhile another car is coming up the hit. He narrowly avoides hitting Boss and gets back on the road to just miss the Dukes. He gets back on again and nearly hits Rosco, finally getting mad. Meanwhile Boss is sobbing and Vance tells him on the C.B. to slowly downshift. Coy says he’s too afraid and Vance says he’ll have to do it. Coy drives up by the car and Vance jumps over into Boss’. Vance manages to downshift and they get the car off the road. Everyone gets out to check on Boss and Vance. Rosco accuses the Dukes of trying to hurt Boss and Vance and Rosco start to fight. Boss cuts them off saying it’s all Cooter’s fault. They head back to town, the Dukes calling Cooter to come get the car.

Hazzard Garage

Cooter gets a call from Vance and is told about the accident. Cooter speeds out to find out what happened.

Road

Cooter looks at the car and says the break line wasn’t connected to the break cylinder and that it was pulled off. Cooter asks what are they talking about and the three say they don’t have time right now but they will fill Boss in later.

Hogg Family Home

Rosco and Lulu try to reassure Boss when they get a call from Gussie. Gussie informs Boss that she overheard a strange conversation from a payphone in Hazzard to a man in Atlanta where the man said he would be leaving the county. Boss recognizes the description of ‘fat water buffalo’ and timeframe of twenty years ago, becoming horrified. He screams that it was Calloway before hanging up. He tells Rosco and Lulu about Floyd Calloway, sobbing the whole time. He says that those accidents were hits on him from Calloway. Boss decides to hide out at Lake Chickamahoni while this all blows over.

The Dukes arrive as Boss and Rosco are taking a suitcase out. Boss knocks Rosco over and drops all the food. The Dukes tell him what they learned and Boss says he knows while Lulu comes out. They all flee, the Dukes helping Rosco pack Boss’ stuff. They also try to convince Boss to come out to the Farm until Daisy hears a ticking sound. They spot a pipe bomb in the trunk and flee from it as it goes off. Lulu comes running out at the explosion. Boss says he needs a bodyguard and Rosco insists he has Rosco and Enos. Daisy recommends Coy and Vance to guard Boss and the boys agree. Vance says he wants them to go talk to Jesse first.

Duke Farm

Boss, Lulu, and Rosco start barricading the doors. Unamused, Jesse asks what are they trying to do. Rosco says they are barricading the door from Calloway. Jesse says that Calloway isn’t the one here, but rather the lady who made the call to Calloway. Vance suggests the woman is mixed up with the man he saw untie the scaffolding. Boss becomes even more upset and Vance says he is suspecting Matt and Lorna Mallory, which Coy agrees. Flash starts barking and alarmed, Boss hides under a blanket. Rosco says it’s just the chickens that Flash is barking at. Boss says he would be better off dead and buried. Everyone tries to assure him that isn’t the case, but Vance says it’s actually true. Everyone becomes horrified by the comment (with the exception of Coy) and Vance says he plans to have them pretend Boss got killed.

Town of Hazzard

Jesse and Daisy meet with a few citizens of Hazzard in the town square.

Hogg Family Home

Rosco helps Lulu with her makeup before telling her to start acting. Lulu goes outside, wailing, and the Dukes along with a number of people come in, seeing Boss seemingly dead on the couch. Lulu tells everyone that it happened suddenly. Jesse is annoyed but it is believable enough. Coy tries to assure Lulu that Boss is probably ‘in that big restaurant in the sky’ but Rosco suggests he’s in the ‘big kitchen down below’ upsetting Boss and causing Daisy to tell him to hush. Lulu tells everyone she will do this as Boss wanted, a wake at the Boar’s Nest with food and beer but a two dollar cover charge. Coy suggests a ten dollar cover charge, annoying Vance.

Jesse picks up the phone to call the coffin works and Lulu sobs even harder, to which Vance tries to calm her down. Boss is uncomfortable by the entire thing. Gussie begins calling other people, Bessie Lou, Jun White, and other gossips to tell them the news.

Town of Hazzard

Matt calls Floyd and informs him that Boss is dead and the headline was published in the Hazzard Gazette, saying it was real sudden. Floyd says he needs more proof and Matt says he is going to the wake.

Boar’s Nest

The next day the wake is set up. Boss is in a coffin, getting annoyed by a fly and tries to silently get Rosco to get rid of it. Rosco hits him with a paper, annoying Jesse. A few people come through to pay their respects with food, making Boss twitchy. Enos arrives, apologizing to Lulu. Cooter tries to keep Coy from laughing as Enos gets more upset, not knowing it was fake. Daisy decides she has to tell him but Vance, Coy, and Cooter stop her saying Enos is too honest and they can’t let him know. Enos goes up to the casket, getting upset and placing a flower on him.

Matt and Lorna arrive, shaking Lulu’s hand before going to the coffin. The Dukes are excited, but Vance cautions them that they need Boss to stay still long enough for the hit men to buy that he’s dead. While they take their seats, Rosco goes up to Boss’ body with food and Daisy becomes alarmed it will blow the whole story. Rosco devours a sandwich next to Boss and the Dukes all scold him. Jesse makes a speech about Boss, Lulu and Enos adding to it. Boss becomes emotional as well, crying. Jesse then tells the boys and Cooter to move the coffin. Lulu continues to sob while Vance, Jesse, Coy, Rosco, Enos, and Cooter take Boss outside. The group go outside and watch as the coffin in loaded into the back of a hearse. Rosco starts to comfort Lulu and forgets to shut the back door. As the vehicles drive away, the Mallory’s go back inside and the Dukes head out to Hogg’s Heavenly Hill Cemetery.

Enos continues to watch, sobbing and Daisy hugs him before telling Enos to come inside for a glass of buttermilk.

Road

The General Lee follows the hearse driven by Cooter with Jesse and Rosco behind. Cooter hits a bump and the coffin falls out. Alarmed Boss starts yelling for help. The boys, Rosco, and Jesse turn and follow the coffin as it rolls down the hill. Coy gets in front of the coffin and tries to cut it off but he stops the cart and the coffin keeps going to everyone’s surprise.

Boar’s Nest

Floyd arrives at the Boar’s Nest and goes to see Daisy and Enos. He tells Daisy he would like the take a last look at the body and Daisy informs him that they already took him to the cemetery. He goes outside with Matt and Lorna. As he leaves Enos remarks that he looks familiar.

Road

Coy and Vance run to where Boss’ casket is stuck in a tree. They ask if Boss is in there, to which he responds he is but he’s stuck. The movement dislodges the casket and he falls to the ground. The group run to check on him.

Boar’s Nest

Lorna tells Floyd that she said he didn’t have to come out there since everything worked out as they planned. Floyd still wants to see Boss’ body so Matt tells him to drive down the road and they will follow. Daisy and Enos overhears and when Floyd tries to flip a peanut in his mouth, Enos remembers where he’s seen him before. He tells Daisy that the man is Floyd Calloway and that when he heard Calloway was looking for Boss he dug through the files. Enos becomes afraid that Calloway is there for Lulu and Daisy says they need to warn the others. They get in Dixie, with Enos driving.

Road

While Boss, Rosco, and Lulu argue about what happened the Dukes try to rush them along. Seeing Cooter coming back, Vance says they will make the change now. They help Boss into the General to hide before filling the coffin with Rocks.

Daisy and Enos call for the others and informs them that Calloway is there and looking to see the body. Everyone, who is now on the road again, try to come up with a plan. Rosco joins the conversation saying he will arrest Calloway but Jesse chimes in saying he can’t arrest Calloway. He says the only thing they can do is the original plan. Vance says they need to catch up to Cooter and throw out the rocks and get Boss in before Calloway finds it.

Cooter continues driving and the General falls in behind him with Rosco, then Jesse. Jesse notices a limo behind him and realizes it’s Calloway. The Dukes note they are on limited time. Vance climbs out of the General and onto the hearse. He opens the back door and gets into the coffin, tossing out the rocks as Cooter drives. Coy works to avoid them.

Calloway and the hit men past Jesse. He asks Rosco to slow the two vehicles down, and Rosco does. Coy makes Boss climb up front and jump out of General and into the Hearse with Vance. Matt rams Rosco off the road, where the car flips.

The limo pulls over Cooter and Calloway gets out. Cooter is unamused and Calloway apologizes saying this is important to him. Calloway’s driver pulls a gun on Cooter, Vance, and Coy and they open the coffin. Vance and Cooter are alarmed when Calloway dumps peanuts on Boss, but when Boss doesn’t react Calloway decides he really is dead. Calloway leaves. The Dukes and Cooter laugh about it before realizing Boss only pulled it off because he was so afraid he passed out.

Balladeer: And that’s how Boss came back to the land of living, up to his ears in goobers. Poor old Enos found out the hard way. Now that he had a good look at them, Enos went through the mug files again. And wouldn’t you know it, he found out that the Mallory’s were wanted for all kinds of things. And the Mallory’s blew the whistle on Calloway so he never did get to leave the country like he planned. Lulu swapped her widow beads for a snappy new party so she could celebrate with Boss, like two dancing refrigerators. For saving his life, old Boss told Jesse that he wouldn’t have to bring the next mortgage payment to his office, Boss would come and get it himself. Wasn’t that nice? So you could say that things are almost back to normal in Hazzard County.

Daisy and Enos stop and get Lulu and Enos from the wrecked car. The boys get Boss out of the hearse and the coffin, shocking Enos as he arrives. Enos faits and Jesse tries to save him from falling without success.

Police Department

Enos goes through the mug shots and find a number of crimes the Mallory’s are wanted for. Rosco arrests the Mallory’s and Calloway.

Hogg Family Home

The Dukes and Cooter go to the Hogg Family home to celebrate. Lulu and Boss dance until Boss gets tired, then Jesse dances with her.

Cast

Main Character

Guest Star

Locations

Hazzard County

Continuity

  • This is the second episode to feature Boss being hunted by a former moonshine partner who he double crossed and had arrested. The previous episode was Digger Jackson in Bye, Bye, Boss.
  • This is the second time a married couple tried to pass themselves off as brother and sister. The previous episode was The Great Hazzard Hijack with Luke's former friend Phil.
  • Boss plans to hide out at Lake Chickamahony again
  • When they find the bomb in the trunk, the Balladeer remarks that Rosco used to be a demolition expert
  • Iron Mountain is again referenced and it's proximity to the Boar's Nest, making it hard for them to use C.B.'s to warn of dangers
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