The Dukes of Hazzard Wiki

Melissa Carlson is a character from the series Enos.


House Cleaners[]

After Chester Dade breaks a leg, she calls an ambulance. As the paramedics are putting him in the ambulance she puts on a coat before hearing her name being yelled. She shuts the door on her way out. Chester threatens an EMT before calling her again and asking where she’s been. She says she is coming, addressing him as Mr. Dade before reaching his side. She says for him to just sit still or he’ll make matters worse. He yells for her not to try to tell him what to do, calling her a frustrated heifer and says to give him his gun, which she does. As the paramedics load Dade into the ambulance, two men in police uniforms come up behind her, startling her. They say they heard the ambulance call and ask what can they do to help. She says she doesn’t know and she has to take her boss to the hospital. Dade calls her again, asking that all his stuff is locked up tight and she admits she isn’t sure. He says to make sure as she knows he doesn’t trust the people in the neighborhood. One of the officers says to go ahead and they will check it for her. She thanks him before handing over the keys and getting in the ambulance.

She takes a taxi back to the house and gets out of the car when her heel breaks. She yelps when she nearly falls before commenting ‘boy I need this like a submarine needs a hairdresser’ before paying the driver and thanking him for his help. She walks to the house, seeing the two officers. Enos remarks ‘you sure march nice ma’am’ before saying the Hazzard County VFW could take lessons from her. She smiles before asking if something is wrong. Enos says he sure hopes not before trailing off. She says she is Melissa Carlson and she works there. Turk introduces them and Enos remarks he knew there would be a maid but she looks like a movie star. She tells Enos that she isn’t the maid, but the Executive Assistant to Mr. Dade, but if she ever gets promoted to maid she will get a big raise in salary and continue doing exactly as she’s doing, and have a lot less problems. Turk asks if she lives there, and she says yes and it’s a lot better than her salary can afford her anywhere else. She says she doesn’t see how she can help them. Enos says he brought back her keys, handing them over to which she thanks him. Turk says they also want to have a look around. Enos explains that the officers that were there earlier said there was an accident. She explains her boss broke his leg and when Enos says ‘bless his heart I hope he’s alright’ she laughs before saying they aren’t going to have to shoot him. She says Dade was painting the bathroom and fell off the ladder. Turk says he thought Dade owned the house and Melissa says that Dade is careful with his money. She tells them that they have to excuse her as she has to get back to the hospital. She says Dade wants some of his things and without his personal phone book and ropes he’s just ‘little Alice in Wonderland.’ When the officers express alarm she explains that Dade is a three time world champion calf roper. Enos asks if they can look around and it will only take a minute. She lets them in, saying the two officers locked up the house for her. Enos says it was them who locked up the house and she thanks them. Melissa however notices Ms. Dade’s furs asking what they are doing down there. Enos asks if the maid brought them down and she says there is no maid, there’s nobody but her.

After taking inventory of everything that was stolen, she heads to the hospital. As Melissa is leaving, she notices all the cops around the house. As she approaches the car she acknowledges Enos, Turk, and Broggi asking why can’t she ever find a cop when she needs one. Broggi gets the door for her and she drives away.

After getting back to the hospital, she is informed that Enos and Turk wanted to see her. She goes into the hall, greeting them and saying she heard they wanted to speak to her. Enos says he hopes her boss is feeling better and she says you never can tell with him. Turk asks her if she remembers what time she left for the hospital, to which she admits she doesn’t remember. She says it must have been around twelve as she was making a sandwich when Dade fell. Turk says he logged them in around twelve o’clock. Enos says they were only around back for a short time and she says she doesn’t understand what is happening.

She is startled when Dade starts screaming her name. Dade comes wheeling out of his room to inform her that one of the nurses took his gun. He notices Enos and Turk and asks if they are the officers who robbed him. She scolds him, firmly saying he ought to be in bed, and he tells her not to order him around. Dade goes back to accusing Turk and Enos and she turns to the officers, apologizing and saying he doesn’t mean to suggest that but Dade cuts her off saying he isn’t suggesting, he’s telling and he doesn’t need her to interpret for him. She watches a nurse come over and convince Dade to go back into his room. After the nurse takes Mr. Dade away, she quickly shuts the door behind them. Enos says goodbye to her, and she waves as they leave.

The next day she returns to Mr. Dade’s house to find the safe has been broken into and cleaned out. She calls Mr. Dade at the hospital to inform him what happened.  

While working in the garage, Enos calls out to her saying ‘excuse me Sir, but I’m looking for Ms. Carlson, she’s secretary of the house.’ She says she is right there before coming out from under the hood. Enos is surprised and asks what in the world is she doing. She explains she is overhauling a water pump. Enos says he didn’t know the Rolls Royce people made those things to come apart and she says they’re sealed but she’s got this hammer and she’s going to just open it up and wrap it with cotton cord, seal it in number 12 axle grease and she’s off to the parade. Enos asks how she learned all that. She pulls off her hat saying she has four brothers. She says they used to devil her to death all the time, kind of early training to get along with Mr. Dade. Enos says he can understand that and she remarks she got them to quit. She says they once set fire to one of her pig tails and she picked up an old 2x4 from a work bench and let them have it. She laughs along with Enos before asking if he’s there about the safe. She says the detectives where there all day at the house and didn’t pick up anything that she knows of. Enos explains that the police officers were fake and they nearly caught them. She says she is sure Mr. Dade will be very pleased to hear that. Enos says he needs to get going and says goodbye. She watches him leave, saying bye.

Melissa arrives at the hospital to pick up Mr. Dade, saying ‘good morning officers’ as she notices Enos, Turk, Mr. Dade, and the nurse together. Enos happily greets her but tells her Mr. Dade has been waiting on her. Turk adds ‘he’s been waiting if you get what I mean’ and she happily says ‘Good morning Mr. Dade’ to which Mr. Dade snarls ‘Good evening Melissa’ before screaming at her to know where she’s been. The nurse wheels him away and Enos says he thinks Mr. Dade wants to set fire to her pigtail, making her laugh. She says she needed that before following him into the room and yelling for Mr. Dade to shut up for one minute, calling him an old miserable goat and saying she has a few things to say and he’s going to listen to her.