"The Hack of Hazzard" is the twenty-second episode of the third season of The Dukes Of Hazzard.
The Dukes take over for Hazzard postmaster Emma Tisdale while she goes to visit her mother. Daisy and Jesse run the post office, while Bo and Luke run Miz Tisdale's cab company. Bo and Luke end up giving a ride to J. J. Sunday (Peter Breck) and Harry Ray (Royce D. Applegate), who turn out to be a pair of crooks who stole a $100,000 gold certificate and stashed it inside the back seat of the cab, and then Bo and Luke send the cab to the upholstery shop for repairs to the seats. When Boss and Rosco learn about the certificate, it becomes a race between them, the crooks, and the Dukes to get to the seat, which does not matter, because Cooter found the certificate and dropped it in the mail where it belongs. That means that the crooks have made Daisy their next target.
Balladeer: Now that’s the Dukes doing some fancy tire tickling. No, they ain’t playing tag, they’re going to work. Yup, that’s what I said, work. For Miz Tisdale, who runs the post office and a cab company. You see about once a year, Miz Tisdale goes to visit her mama out in the county. And Daisy always fills in for her at the post office, while Bo and Luke run the Hazzard Cab Company.
Town of Hazzard
Daisy drives Dixie as Bo and Luke are in the General. Daisy passes the General and Bo passes her again. All three arrive at the Post office and go inside. Miz Tisdale makes all three take a number before giving Daisy instructions on how to run the post office after Daisy shows her license. Luke gives the number two and his ID and Miz Tisdale gives him the cab keys. Bo also gives the number and has to look out his ID, which Luke complains ‘come on Bo’ as he has to find it. Miz Tisdale thanks them for their help and leaves on her motorcycle.
Boss makes a Japanese BBQ for lunch as Cletus helps. Rosco shows Flash a number of wanted posters. Boss tells them both to have their road revenue go up or their paycheck will go down. Boss says everyone who has a car is breaking the law. Rosco tells Boss about the two men who stole a $100,000 certificate and are wanted for robbery, fraud, and forgery. Boss fans the smoke from his grill and Rosco, Cletus, and Flash go to leave, knocking over the grill as they do.
J.J. and Harry Ray enter Hazzard, nearly crashing at the county line. They remark they are in a hurry to get out of the state before they are found.
Balladeer: Now it don’t matter none if there ain’t been a call for a taxi in Hazzard since gas was 30 cents and Daisy was queen of the prom. But when Miz Tisdale got the cab charter she signed a paper promising to own and operate that cab service business or not.
Bo and Luke fix the Tisdale Cab and try to clean it up. Cooter comes by and calls out to them in his truck, teasing them for cleaning up the cab and reminds them that no one has used it in years. Luke says they can’t look at it the way it is. Bo says the back seat is messed up. Cooter tells them to get everything that wiggles, crawls, and bites out of the seat and take it to his station and he’ll steam clean it before dropping it off with Uncle Charlie. The boys agree.
J.J. and Harry pass Cletus’s speed trap. Cletus falls in behind them and they try to outrun him. J.J. decides to have Harry write his home address on the envelope and stamp it. They go through a construction site, Cletus saying that he will catch them and get a raise, but Cletus drives in the mud, losing them an commenting his name is mud. The two men celebrate but nearly crash into Cooter who was driving. Cooter stops and checks on them, but is upset that they nearly hit them. The three determine their radiator is shot and need a tow, but Cooter already has a car on the back of his truck. He offers to get them a taxi.
Bo and Luke finish up the cab and get the call from Cooter saying he’s got a fare for them on Shady Lane, a half mile east of Orchard Way. The two are shocked and excited before heading out, saying they have never had a fare before. Cooter leaves the two men and they wait for Bo and Luke.
Jesse goes into the Post office, greeting Diane, and sees Daisy. He says he’d stop by and see how she’s doing. Daisy tells him to ‘kindly take a number Sir’. And Jesse reminds her he is her Uncle and she tells him nobody is anybody until that nobody takes a number. Unamused Jesse says if she keeps imitating Miz Tisdale she will be the first old maid in the Duke Family Tree. He takes a number and shows her his ID. Smiling she asks if she can help him and he asks if he can take her to lunch, which she agrees.
Bo and Luke pull up and pick up J.J. and Harry. They get in the cab and Luke explains that they plan to get the back seat fixed. Luke honks the horn and drives off. They see Cletus, who has gotten back on the road, and follows them. J.J. offers them $20 to lose the cop and the boys tell him they will lose him but it’ll be free as it’s a game they play. Bo asks if they are in trouble and J.J. says they are with their wives. Harry notices Cletus is gaining on them and Luke agrees. Bo suggests taking Duggan’s Dump and Luke agrees. Luke passes it, knocking out the supports from a dirt pile and burying the road, stopping Cletus. Luke says that was a dirty trick to play on Cletus and Bo says they should have saved that one for Rosco.
Town of Hazzard
Rosco goes around town, making parking meters time out early to write tickets. He writes one for a truck as Bo and Luke arrive and drop off the two men. Rosco approaches them telling J.J. and Harry to get out and Bo and Luke to stay in. Alarmed, J.J. and Harry hide the certificate in the torn back seat. They get out and Rosco asks if he knows them, which they deny. Rosco sends them on their way. He pulls out Bo and Luke and writes a citation for them for many citations that don’t make sense. He goes to get another book and Bo asks if he’s got enough already to which Rosco says when he’s through he’ll have writer’s cramp. Bo and Luke decide to leave while Rosco is gone. They head to Cooter’s, the two watching. They agree to go get the certificate later.
Bo and Luke go to the garage and pull out the back seat. In his office Rosco asks Flash to help him look for something. Boss comes out of his office with a large sandwich. He remarks if Rosco is looking for his brains they are gone. Rosco remarks about seeing two guys before and shows Boss the wanted posters saying he saw the two wanted men in the Duke’s cab. Boss concludes that Bo and Luke must have the certificate now as they are in league with the boys. Boss says they need to arrest the Dukes for the certificate and use the certificate themselves. Bo and Luke write a note for Cooter and prepare to leave when Boss and Rosco run in, announcing they are going to prison. They are confused asking they are talking about the exterior horn or not having a license plate on the front. Rosco says for grand theft and asks where the gold certificate is. Confused Bo asks what he’s talking about and decides to arrest them, pulling out his gun.
Boss asks if Rosco is sure he knows what he’s doing and Rosco says he got straight A’s in a correspondence course in interrogation. Boss asks what the lamp is for and Rosco says a bright light in the eyes will break any man’s will. Bo and Luke look at each other confused and Boss says so long as Rosco doesn’t break something of his own. Rosco points the lamp at Bo and Luke and tell them to confess. The boys says they have no idea what he’s talking about and Rosco says he warned them. Rosco has Boss guard them as he runs away for a moment.
Cooter picks up the seats from the cab and the certificate falls out. He then knocks over his mail before taking the seats to his truck. He returns and picks up his mail and sees the certificate envelope. Thinking it’s also his mail, he puts it all together and sets out.
Rosco tells Boss to leave the room so he can give the boys the ‘second degree’, Boss asks that he means the third degree and Rosco says it’s the same but faster. Boss agrees to leave. While they talk, Bo and Luke move the lamp so that it will face Rosco. Rosco turns the lamp on after turning off the lights. Bo asks where the certificate was stolen from and Rosco says Colonial City Trust Company. Luke asks who stole it, confirming the two men in the cab were the thieves. Rosco asks where the certificate is and Bo says they don’t know. Rosco tells them they won’t get any water until they confess and Bo says they aren’t thirsty. Rosco, hot by the lamp, drains most of the glass. Boss returns to see if they confessed and Luke pulls the lamp from the wall. Bo and Luke escape after the lights go out. Rosco an Boss capture each other. While running after the boys, Rosco collides into a man at Rhubottom’s, allowing the boys to get in the General and drive away. Cletus arrives and hearing someone yell thief and seeing someone running, he dives on them, not realizing it was Rosco. Rosco sends Cletus after the boys so he can go shower as he’s now covered in fruit.
While Jesse is feeding a pig, he gets a call from Luke over the CB. Luke asks if he can meet them at Clear Pond nearly the old still site number 7. Jesse agrees to be there after taking care of Charlie.
Town of Hazzard
Boss goes outside to see Rosco, who just changed, and asks him not to tell him that the Dukes escaped, which Rosco does. Boss thinks and says that they know the certificate was in the cab and the Dukes didn’t have it on them. Rosco suggests they ate it and Boss says they stashed it. He concludes it’s still in the cab. Boss says to get Cletus and to take the cab to the police garage and strip it to find the certificate. The two men go to the cab company to find the cab isn’t there.
Jesse meets with Bo and Luke and the three talk about what happened. Jesse says they got to figure out how to clear them. Bo and Luke say they need to catch them, make them confess, and get the certificate.
Cooter is singing and working on the car when J.J. and Harry approach him. He apologizes that the car isn’t ready yet. They say they are looking for the cab and Cooter apologizes and says that it was impounded, all except the back seat which is at Uncle Charlie’s Upholstery. After J.J. asks where that is, Cooter gives him directions.
Rosco and Cletus tear apart the entire cab and Boss asks that they searched every part of the cab. Rosco confirms that they did and maybe it’s in the backseat. Boss asks why didn’t he look there and Rosco says because it’s not there. He says it’s at Cooter’s and Boss says that is where it was stashed. Rosco asks what they should do about the cab and they leave Cletus to put it back the way it was. Upset, Cletus hits the top of the cab, starting the meter on it.
Town of Hazzard
Luke tells Bo to take the back street behind the church. Boss and Rosco arrive at Cotoer’s an say they won’t do anything to arouse suspicion. Cooter is confused when they walk in his garage before returning and asking where the back seat from the cab is. Cooter asks why they want to know. Boss says it is due for an inspection and yells where is it. Annoyed, Cooter slams the hood of the car closed, alarming both. He tells them it’s at Uncle Charlie’s. The two run over and Cooter just shakes his head. He goes into the garage and picks up the mail. As he walks over to the mail box, Bo and Luke catch him. They ask if he’s seen the men from the cab and Cooter says they went to Uncle Charlie’s. They ask why everyone wants Uncle Charlie’s, and Luke determines they hid a gold certificate in the back seat. Cooter is confused and they leave. Cooter puts all the mail in the mail box.
After tying up Charlie, Harry and J.J. search for the back seat of the cab. They find it but hear someone arrive and hide. Boss and Rosco come in, making a lot of noise. Boss and Rosco find the seat but they hear someone arrive and quickly hide. Bo finds the seat and calls over Luke. They find the seat is empty and Boss and Rosco, misunderstanding, reveal they are there. Bo and Luke flee with Rosco and Boss chasing after. The two men leave as well, leaving Charlie alone. Outside Bo trips over a number of trash cans, getting them caught by Rosco, but Boss crashes into Rosco allowing the boys to escape. However they run directly into J.J. and Harry and knocking them down. As they get up, they collide with Boss and Rosco. Bo and Luke leave in the General with Boss and Rosco following. J.J. and Harry return to Uncle Charlie’s to confirm it is gone. They assume Bo and Luke really do have it and leave to find where they live from Cooter.
Bo and Luke continue to run from Rosco. Boss tells Rosco to bring Cletus out but Rosco drops the mike an Boss says he’ll do it. They call Cletus from the Impound and Boss tells him to come out Slumber Lane to help with catching the boys. Bo jumps the pond and Boss tells Rosco not to, but Rosco tries and they end up in the pond. The boys stop to check on them before leaving again. Boss tells Rosco to call Cletus to come get them and then he will show them how they will get ashore without Rosco swimming a stroke or Boss getting wet. Rosco calls Cletus and tells him they are at Frog Lake Pond and to come get them. Cletus agrees.
The two men pay Cooter for the car and asks about where they can find Bo and Luke. When they don’t get a solid answer, they explain they left a letter in the back of the cab. Cooter says that may have gotten mixed with his mail, in which case it’s already gone to the post office. The two men leave, happy, but decide to stop to tell Harry’s family that the letter is coming.
Rosco walks to shore with Boss on his shoulders. Rosco protests that he is sinking. They make it to shore and Rosco says he thought he wasn’t going to get wet and Boss reminds him it was Boss not getting wet.
While driving, Bo remarks Luke has that look in his eye again. Luke says that everyone is chasing them and that means everyone thinks they have the gold certificate. Bo says they don’t have so it must be in the cab. Luke calls Cooter over the CB and says that they think there is something in the backseat of the cab. Cooter says if they are talking about the letter, he mailed it. They head back to town.
Cletus arrives and picks up boss and Rosco. Rosco tells him to watch his car as he and Boss take Cletus’ car. They head after the boys as they pass by on their way back to town.
Town of Hazzard
Harry calls home and learns the cops have the house under surveillance. They head to the post office to get the letter back. In the Post Office, Jesse is taking over for Daisy as the postal clerk so she can take the mail to the main branch in Colonial City. J.J. and Harry come in and are forced to take a number and show their ID. They ask where Daisy went and Jesse says to the main branch in Colonial City. The two chase after her. Jesse watches them leave, confused and sees Bo and Luke come up. He tells them that Daisy just headed to Colonial City. Luke asks if there were any strangers and he says yes, they just left looking for her. They explain those men were the ones who got them in trouble and rush off after Daisy. Jesse watches them go and Rosco and Boss pass by. Boss realizes Rosco is backing off from the boys and has him speed up.
Daisy is taking highway one, with J.J. and Harry behind her, Bo and Luke after them, and Boss and Rosco after them. Luke tries to call Daisy on the CB. Daisy responds but admits she can barely hear them. The two men pull her over just as Luke gets in range to talk to her. They walk up to her just as the two men reach her jeep and she tells Luke they are right in front of her. They take the CB away from Daisy and take her and the mail. Daisy gets In the car and they leave. Luke tries to reach her over the CB to get no answer. Bo asks if Luke thinks they would hurt her and Luke says she can handle herself.
When J.J. and Harry reach a fork, they ask Daisy which way to go. Daisy says the one goes to Shoveltown. Harry says a few miles out of it they are across the state line. Bo and Luke see Daisy’s jeep and go around it, concluding she is with the two men. Boss and Rosco continue to follow, being ran off the road and hitting a tree after the hood flies up. Not being able to keep the hood down, Boss decides to drive and have Rosco lay on the hood to Rosco’s protests. Bo and Luke head to the fork and decide they won’t go to Colonial City so they must be going to Shoveltown and Bo says if they cut across Grover’s Gulch they can pick up some time. Luke tells him to do it. While headed to Shoveltown, Daisy explains it’s an old deserted mining town. With Boss and Rosco, Boss assures Rosco he’ll be okay and Rosco yells for him to slow down. They reach the fork and Boss stops, tossing Rosco off. Boss tells him to get back on so they can go to Shoveltown.
Balladeer: Now as you can see, business in Shoveltown has fallen off something terrible.
J.J. and Harry arrive in Shoveltown with Daisy. Bo and Luke arrive and they run to a hiding spot with Daisy and the mail. Bo and Luke take cover and wonder if they will use the guns. Luke says stealing bonds is one thing but shooting people is something else. The boys move and they shoot at them. They take cover and Bo remarks he’s sorry he asked. Luke says if he don’t ask he won’t learn. Bo asks how will they get to Daisy and Luke says the question is getting her back to them. They go back to the General. J.J. goes to look for a better place to shoot. Luke throws a rock at Harry and Daisy knocks the gun from him before running to Bo and Luke. Bo gets the keys to the General and moves to the trunk to get the bows. J.J. and Harry head to the barn and Luke fires a dynamite arrow, surprising the two but they get inside. Daisy calls the Colonial City police on the CB while Bo and Luke run after them.
The two men reload and Luke decides for him and Bo to ram into the barn with a mining cart. They do and they manage to take cover. Luke grabs some rope and he and Bo get under the loft. Bo and Luke take off running, pulling out the supports from the loft. The loft falls down and Bo and Luke rush over to capture them and the mail. Boss and Rosco arrive and Boss stops the car, throwing Rosco off who rolls into the barn in front of Bo and Luke. Rosco fires his gun to get everyone’s attention and Boss and Daisy come in as well. Boss tries to claim the certificate. Daisy yells at him but the police who Daisy called arrive. She explains what happened to the police and they claim the certificate and the two men.
Balladeer: It’s a good thing them Colonial City Police showed up when they did, else Boss would have ended up with that $100,000 gold certificate. An since the meter of Miz Tisdale’s cab was set in motion while old Boss had it, he had to make good on the fare. It would’ve been cheaper to buy it. So if y’all ever got a letter with a Hazzard postmark there ain’t no telling what that letter went through to get to you.
Miz Tisdale returns and forces Boss to pay for the time the meter on her cab has been running. Boss vents about it to the Dukes and Rosco’s amusement.
- Tom Wopat as Luke Duke
- John Schneider as Bo Duke
- Catherine Bach as Daisy Duke
- Rick Hurst as Cletus Hogg
- Ben Jones as Cooter Davenport
- James Best as Sheriff Rosco Coltrane
- Sorrell Booke as Boss Hogg
- Waylon Jennings as The Balladeer
- Town of Hazzard
- Duke Farm
- Clear Pond
- Once a year, the Dukes run the Post Office and the Hazzard County Cab Company to allow Miz Tisdale to visit her mother.
- Daisy was the prom queen while attending the Hazzard High School
- Rosco references his time in correspondence school, remarking that one of the classes was in Interrogation. He says he got straight A's in the course.
- Rosco also reminds Boss that he can't swim.