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"The Return of the Mean Green Machine" is the fourteenth episode of the fifth season of The Dukes Of Hazzard.

Summary

Boss Hogg plans to use the Mean Green Machine to steal the $1,000,000 Jefferson Davis gold coin collection from the Hazzard Gold and Silver Emporium, but the Machine gets stolen from Boss Hogg's henchmen by Baxter (Joel Bailey) and Hatfield (Mitch Carter), a pair of crooks who plan to use it to steal the gold coin collection themselves. Coy and Vance take on the Machine, and manage to damage it. Baxter and Hatfield need a mechanic to fix it, so they kidnap Cooter and hold him hostage. Coy and Vance recognize Hatfield as one of the men who originally drove the Machine for Boss Hogg a few months ago -- Hatfield and Baxter escaped from prison, and now they are after the gold coin collection.

Plot

Balladeer: As y’all might have noticed, in Hazzard County sugar comes in very interesting packages. Of course in Hazzard they tend to have their own way of doing things. For example, you’re watching the Hazzard extended love spring, which sort of explains why a lot of folks once they get to Hazzard, tend to want to stay. Anywho, while Coy and Vance Duke were enjoying a typical Hazzard luncheon meeting when it all commenced. That is to say, it started, don’t you know?

Woods

Vance and Coy are on a double date. Vance and Bonnie are playing frisbee while Coy and a girl sit by the car. When Vance picks up the frisbee he notices some strange tracks. Bonnie gets annoyed that he is now ignoring her. Vance says he needs a time out and sends her to talk to Coy’s date before calling Coy over. Coy is annoyed and Vance shows him the tracks. Vance says he’s seen them before and asks Coy to look again. Coy wonders if it’s the Mean Green machine, but says it’s been long gone. Vance says they had no idea where it went and calls the picnic over so they can investigate.

Hazzard Gold and Silver Emporium

Boss holds a ‘One million Dollar Jefferson Davis Gold Coin Collection’ for one day only at the Gold and Silver emporium. He and Rosco stop by and look through the window to see the chest of coins. Behind them on the street in a van, Hatfield and Baxter drive by and stop. Hatfield says he knew Boss would lead him right back to the Mean Green Machine but he never figured Boss would also show them a job to use it for. Hatfield says he wants to get even with Boss and the Dukes for the first time he used the Mean Green Machine and they sent him to prison.

Boss and Rosco go inside the building to see two guards are outside and two are inside by the box. When Rosco goes to touch one of the coins, a guard gives him a stern look. They wonder how much they will get for the coins before leaving. Hatfield and Baxter follow them. Baxter is interested in the money but Hatfield wants revenge too.

Road

Coy and Vance are out looking for the machine, radioing Jesse, Daisy, and Cooter. Cooter is sitting in his garage, agreeing with Vance that nothing else could have made those tracks in Hazzard. He asked which way it went and Vance says they have no idea. Jesse and Daisy join in the conversation, all agreeing that they can’t do much of anything until they find the machine. Jesse and Daisy head out to find Boss and Cooter says he has to go out to Walnut Grove but if he sees anything he’ll let them know.

Boss's employees loose the machine

The Mean Green Machine is driving down the road, being tested out by Boss’ driver while Boss and Rosco watch in excitement. Hatfield and Baxter, who followed Boss, also watch discreetly. The machine tears through some cars before lighting one on fire. After he goes through a shack and a brick wall. Rosco and Boss talk excitedly about what they are going to get and Boss calls the driver Tuck and tells him to show Rosco a ‘grabber’ device that is a massive magnet. Boss tells Tuck to get the machine back to the hideout and they wrap up. Boss and Rosco head toward town but Hatfield and Baxter follow the machine.

As Tuck and Burt, Boss’ employees, talk about the machine Hatfield and Baxter come in with guns. They tie up the two men and take the machine.

Boar’s Nest

Daisy arrives at work and looks for Boss.

Road

Hatfield and Baxter drives away, suggesting they go after Vance and Coy in the meantime.

As Vance and Coy drive, they find the site where Boss was testing out the machine. Vance suggests they go home and get the dynamite arrows before they continue looking.

Boar’s Nest

Boss and Rosco arrive, planning how they will use the money. Daisy overhears the conversation. Hearing someone come in, Daisy hides. Tuck and his partner come in and inform Boss that the machine has been stollen. Boss is furious and Rosco concludes it’s a lost cause. Boss tells them all that they need to find the machine but they all trip on the jawbreakers Boss dropped all over the floor. Daisy leaves to inform the boys of what happened on the C.B.

Road

Vance and Coy are surprised and wonder who could have done it but they are surprised to see the machine ahead of them on the road. Hatfield and Baxter recognize the car. Vance goes for the dynamite arrows but Coy says it won’t do much good. Vance uses them anyway, starling the men. They begin to drive away from the Dukes and Vance and Coy follow. The machine attempts to set the General on fire. Vance grabs a blanket and suggests blinding the men. Coy tries to pull up alongside it so Vance can climb on. Inside the men realize there is a problem with the machine. Seeing Vance climbing on the side, Hatfield comes out the hatch and the two fight for the gun. Vance manages to get knocked off and falls unconscious. Hatfield tries to kill him but misses his shots. He wants to go back and finish the boys off but Baxter informs him that the explosion earlier gave them engine problems. They need to find a mechanic to fix it.

Coy stops to get Vance and asks if he’s alright as Vance comes around. Vance says that the only thing hurt is his pride. He tells Coy that he saw the guy before, saying it was Hatfield. Coy says he thought Hatfield was in jail and Vance says he isn’t now. Vance also tells him he heard the engine was acting up and they conclude the men will have to hide out for a bit to get it fixed. They decide to go home to restock.

Boss and Rosco are riding around looking for a machine and Boss is upset about his machine is gone. Rosco says it’s just crooks and he’ll catch them. Boss threatens his job if Rosco doesn’t find these men and Rosco says he’ll find them but the problem is stopping them. Boss says they are going to the State Guard Armory to stock up on supplies. Rosco wants tanks but Boss yells at him to just drive.

Barn

Hatfield and Baxter take the machine back to Boss’ hideout to look it over. Hatfield says the carburetor is clogged and they need a real mechanic. The two leave to find one.

Duke Farm

Daisy drives toward town while the boys leave the farm with a box of dynamite and new arrows.

Town Square

Jesse drives around town looking to see if he can spot Boss.

Road

Boss and Rosco return from the armory with a bazooka and they bicker.

Hazzard Garage

Hatfield and Baxter are looking around town. While in the garage, Cooter is working on an engine while Jesse tells him old stories with a shotgun in hand. Cooter asks if he’s heard from the boys and Jesse says he hasn’t. Hatfield and Baxter come in and hold the two at gunpoint, yelling at Jesse. Unamused, Cooter remarks they must feel like they’re bad talking to Jesse like that and they should try talking to him like that. Hatfield says Cooter is coming with them, to which Cooter says no as he’s pretty particular about who he rides around with. Jesse and Cooter attempt to take the two down. Baxter manages to get his gun and threatens Jesse’s life, which makes Cooter surrender. After tying up Jesse they leave with Cooter.

Jesse begins trying to chew off the ropes as he grabs the C.B., calling Vance and Coy. He tells them it was Hatfield again and this time he’s got Cooter. The boys realize they were right about the engine before asking about Cooter. Jesse gets off the ropes, telling them he’s worried about Cooter’s temper and for them to make sure Cooter are alright. Daisy joins in, telling them she heard the whole thing.

Road

Coy and Vance see the van with Hatfield and Cooter. They turn to chase after it but slide into a pothole, getting stuck.

Baxter is surprised that the boys didn’t chase after them. Cooter assures them that the boys won’t quit to which Hatfield agrees.

Coy and Vance manage to get unstuck and give chase to the van. Baxter meanwhile gets an idea and has Hatfield pull over next to a construction site. He starts a piece of machinery, a roller, and sets it down the road before getting out and returning to the van. Coy and Vance see the rouge machine and realize they don’t have enough room to around, instead jumping over it. Baxter and Hatfield are annoyed to see it didn’t slow the boys down and Baxter starts shooting at them. Cooter tries to pull him off but both men point their guns at him. Cooter says if he had half a chance they’d be stoking a fire. Baxter then shoots out of the General’s tires.

Coy calls the others to let them know what happened and that they are headed back to the garage. Meanwhile Vance starts changing the tire.

Barn

Hatfield and Baxter watch as Cooter begins repairs to the machine.

Road

Boss and Rosco continue driving around with the bazooka.

Garage

Coy and Vance meet up with Jesse and Daisy. They ask Jesse if he’s okay and Jesse says he seems to be slowing down. They talk about how worried they are about Cooter and Vance assures them that they need Cooter away. Jesse tells them about how much of a hurry the men were in and gets an idea. He points out the gold coin collection that has a single day event and concludes that is likely the target.

W.H.O.G.G. Radio

Vance and Coy decide to use some radio equipment to find the machine after they leave town so that Cooter won’t get hurt. They arrive at the radio station while Bonnie is getting off work. Vance approaches her and she is still angry about the picnic. He apologizes and assures her that he really did want to spend time with her. She relents and helps get him the equipment he needs.

Barn

Hatfield checks out Cooter’s work, showing approval. Cooter snaps that it helps if you know what you’re doing and that they wouldn’t be so bad if they didn’t have the guns. Hatfield tells Cooter to shut up and get into the machine as they are taking him with them to ensure no other incidents occur. Baxter and Cooter start arguing and they get in the machine before leaving.

Garage

Vance explains to the others his plan, saying they need to get a transmitter on the machine and then they can follow it in the General. Daisy says it sounds like that should work. Vance says that the receiver has a magnet and they need Daisy to somehow get the transmitter on the machine. Jesse says he will warn the others so no one will get hurt. The Duke’s all scatter to do their plan.

Road

Enos is driving and singing when he sees the machine. He tries to block the road and get out to stop the vehicle. It stops and uses a magnet to take Enos’ gun, badge, and belt. Enos pants falls down and they drive forward, making Enos jump out of the way before they destroy his car. Upset Enos tries to call Rosco on the C.B. Rosco responds and Enos tells them about seeing the machine and how it destroyed his car. Boss asks him where he is and Enos says Cottonwood Road going to town.

Town of Hazzard

Daisy hides by the bank waiting for the machine and Jesse stands by his truck.

Road

Hatfield and Baxter spot Boss and Rosco on the road. Boss and Rosco stop and attempt to use the bazooka. However Rosco points it the wrong way, destroying his own car. Meanwhile Cooter starts working on the ropes that tied his hands.

Enos walks down the road and sees Miz Emma Tisdale. He flags her down and she comments about his underwear. Enos asks her for a ride for official business and she tells him to get in the side car on her motorcycle.

Town of Hazzard

The Machine arrives, alarming the citizens. Jesse watches in his pickup, radioing Daisy. Daisy grabs the transmitter. Meanwhile in the machine Cooter get’s free. The people continue to flee from the machine. Meanwhile inside they notice Cooter is free and Baxter knocks him out.

The two crash through the Hazzard emporium, shocking the four guards. They force them to drop their guns and has one guard lock up the chest while the others clear off the debris. Meanwhile Daisy comes up behind them, putting the transmitter on the back. When the machines leaves, Daisy and Jesse follow.

Road

Boss and Rosco wait on the side of the road, angry at what happened. They see Enos and Mis Tizdale coming down the road. Boss wants to commandeer it. As they run out, the mail gets spilled everywhere. Boss asks Rosco if he can drive a motorcycle and they take it while Emma and Enos try to gather all the mail.

One of the guards, Terry, radio’s Boss and Rosco to let them know the gold coins were stolen. Boss becomes furious, begging Rosco to stop them as they still have the bazooka.

Vance and Coy see the machine pass by. Jesse tells the boys that the machine pulled off onto Old North Road and Daisy chimes in saying it goes into Fairview Junction. Vance says that junction will lead to either Central City or Atlanta. Meanwhile Boss and Rosco also hear the conversation. Boss says for Rosco to cut across the Hacket place on Old North Road but they pass a water truck.

Jesse and Daisy continue to follow the machine and Vance asks if Jesse still has the dynamite with fuses. Jesse says he does but they can’t use it because Cooter could get hurt. Vance says he is thinking they can use it to force the machine to stop. Jesse agrees and Vance says he wants Jesse to set it up at Fairview Junction. He tells Jesse and Daisy to change roads to Indian Trail while they will continue to follow the machine on Old North Road through the Hatchett Farm.

The machine continues down Old North Road. Vance and Coy find the machine but fall in behind Boss and Rosco. When hitting a bump, Boss accidently shoots the bazooka, startling Vance and Coy who think Boss actually shot at them. Vance tries to call him but the wires were destroyed and they couldn’t hear it. Boss shoots off two more, hitting someone’s outhouse and someone else’s Still. Boss glances back to notice the General Lee is right behind them.

Up ahead Daisy tells Jesse to be careful but Jesse tells her he’s been using dynamite since he was eight years old and blowing stumps. He sets up the dynamite while Daisy watches from the vehicles. Coy and Vance call to give them a thirty second warning. Hatfield and Baxter try to lose Boss, Rosco, and the General Lee but the two vehicles flank them on either side. Boss tries to use the Bazooka again but it doesn’t work. They get too close to the machine and it rips off the sidecar.

Jesse rights the dynamite before getting out of the road, counting down from thirty. Hatfield and Baxter become distracted with the Dukes jumping the General over them. Suddenly to road blew up and forced them to stop in a pit. As they crawl out of the machine, Cooter calls out to let them know he’s awake and alright. Cooter knocks the two out, taking custody of them. Meanwhile Boss and Rosco are stuck in a tree from the road exploding.

Balladeer: Well them gold coins went back to where they belonged. And so did Baxter and Hatfield, right behind bars. Which is where Daisy is. Serving up a round of beer and doughnuts. Cooter’s springing for it, for the Dukes saving his life and all. As for Boss, he had checks to write. His insurance company having to cover them two Hazzard patrol cars. But trust old Boss to look for a way to get even. When the Dukes came to check out the Mean Green Machine it was gone again. And everyone around Hazzard knows that Boss Hogg would try recouping his losses in the not too distant future. Now, where do you reckon he hid it?

Town of Hazzard

The coins were returned to Atlanta while Rosco and Enos take Hatfield and Baxter back to jail.

Boar’s Nest

Daisy serves beer to Jesse, Vance, Coy, and Cooter and the five toast. In his office, Boss is having a snack and writing checks.

Road

Vance and Coy head out to recover the machine only to find it gone again.

Cast

Main Character

Guest Star

Locations

Hazzard County

Continuity

  • Hatfield returned in this episode from his previous appearance in the New Dukes. Having been arrested due to Vance and Coy's actions, he returned to get revenge on them and Boss Hogg
  • While trying to figure out what he would do with his share, Rosco mentions getting a fur coat for Mama Coltrane and a gold dog collar for Flash
  • The Balladeer mentions that Boss once opened the 'Hazzard Rolling Skating Palace' where he tried to save money by filling the floor with marbles instead of buying skates for customers to use.
  • Vance was a linebacker when he was in high school
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